The Drug in Me is You
by CrazyRandomGirl
Summary: "There's a darkness inside me Sydney" I said in a low, almost monotone voice,"Sometimes... sometimes I can't control it. It takes over. It gets me in it's clutches and drags me down. Spirit doesn't help, but it's not the cause. She is. Rose."


**The Drug in Me is You**

What? Another story? Okay guys- don't freak! I haven't given up on 'Don't be Scared Little Alchemist' by any stretch of the imagination, I'm obsessed with that story and I consider it my best work to date, there's no way I'll ever abandon it. I just needed a break from all of its drama and intensity to write something shorter and sweeter. This is just a little post Bloodlines one shot inspired by a song called 'The Drug in Me is You' (hence the title) by my favourite band 'Falling in Reverse' who you guys need to check out by the way... like, RIGHT NOW! They're amazing =D But that's besides the point! If you read the discription you'd notice that I'm still in Adrian's head for this one- I can't seem to get out of there, it's like I'm naturally programmed to write from his point of view!

Anyway- enough of the rambling! On with the story!

Disclaimer- I wish I was genius enough to have written Vampire Academy, Bloodlines and the incredible song this is all inspired by... but sadly I'm not :'(

_I've lost my God damn mind_

_It happens all the time_

_I can't believe I'm actually_

_meant to be here_

_Trying to consume_

_The drug in me is you_

_and I'm so high on misery_

_can't you see?_

It's a hard thing to explain, heartbreak. It's the sort of thing you really have to experience before you can truley understand it, not that I would ever wish it upon anyone. It fucking hurts. That's all you need to know. One day everything's perfect, you're so in love that you feel as though you could be physically lifted off of the ground by the ruthless butterflys in your stomach... and then you find her cheating on you with an unrealistically good looking Russian guy in a hotel car park. Well... at least that's what happened to me.

I had my heart ripped out that day, ripped out and stomped on while I was left there to bleed for days, weeks, months, the pain never easing up even slightly. I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for her, for _Rose_. I loved her so much that for the brief moments I could call her mine, the world seemed to revolve entirely around her. I wanted to be hers so badly, I wanted her to be the one. Sadly though, fairytales like that don't seem to work out for spirit induced alcoholics/ cigarette addicts such as myself. In fact, I don't think it could've gone much worse for me where my love life is concerned... well perhaps that's not entirely true, though it certainly wasn't fantastic.

Sydney Sage- the most pure and innocent creature ever to set foot on this planet. She was a vision of beauty in a completely different way to Rose. Rose was enticing and sexy, wild and seductive... I suppose Sydney was sexy in her own way too, but she was so delicate, so fragile... that in itself was what made her beautiful along with her perfectly blonde hair, her ever so lightly tanned skin and her flawless golden eyes... oh my gosh her eyes were so perfect. She was what I needed, what was good for me. The problem? She was an Alchemist- sworn to keep vampires a secret, yet to have nothing to do with them. Alchemists as a group were vampire haters without a doubt, which of course put me, a Moroi, in a pretty low position in their eyes.

However, Sydney wasn't quite like that. She was different, she inspired me to be a better person. Whenever she was around, I felt the need to make an effort, to try and make myself seem like less of an absolute bone idle loser. She connected with me, with all of us in a way that deep down she knew she wasn't supposed to. She viewed Jill like a real sister, Eddie like a real brother- I could tell, whether she would ever admit to it or not. I often wondered where that put me in her eyes, but I was almost entirely positive that 'potenial lover' wasn't the title that sprung to her mind when the name 'Adrian Ivashkov' came up.

Dispite the fact that not only was she forbidden to be with me, but also very wary of me, I could tell we had something. Call it a connection, an unspoken bond. Something. Something that made her believe in me when nobody else did. Something that made her go out of her way for me on countless occasions. Something that made her try to turn me in the right direction, to help me out of the hole I was stuck in. Something that made her try and save me. She might have succeded- scratch that- with the way she was going she _would_ have succeded and one day in the future she still might... but it won't work this time, not now. Dimitri's back. All the thoughts of him and Rose that I had begun to erase came back to life and all Sydney's work came undone in one fatal blow.

It was pushing 2:30am on the morning after the day Dimitri had shown up at my apartment, bringing with him Sonya Karp and a girl named Angeline. I hadn't slept, I sat awake on the sofa in my new 'Goldenrod' coloured living room with my fourth bottle of liquor hanging limply in my hand. It didn't feel like months had past since the day Rose had left me, suddenly it felt as though it had been yesterday. All the pain I thought I had left in my past had seeped back into my brain. I'd run from that pain, run full pelt away from it, but it still managed to catch up with me in the end. I was losing my mind all over again, not that it was uncommon for me. Whether it be spirit induced or just from my own natural insanity, I completely lost my mind at least twice a month with random bursts of insanity in between. I was crazy and likely to go crazier as time went on, it was a fact of life that I hated but had no choice but to accept. That said... the amount of times I'd thought about ending it all- my heartache, my madness, my life- I had lost count of.

"Goldenrod" I scoffed to myself taking a swig of liquor as I stared around my darkened living room. "Cheerful and calming my ass." I laid my head back, my eyes fixed on the ceilig, letting my thoughts take me away from reality. I willed myself to think of anything besides Rose and Belikov, but at that moment my mind was stuck, replaying scenes from the past that had once been happy memories but now tormented me like haunting nightmares. I couldn't believe this is where my life had gotten me, I couldn't believe I was stuck in this position. How could a flippant ladies man have been destined to end up sad and alone? In a way, I needed someone to be with me right now, anyone but Rose of course. I didn't want to be alone, I didn't trust myself alone in this state, I needed someone to-

*Knock Knock*

At 2:30am? Really?

After a few seconds of convincing my body to move, I made my way over to the door, unsteadily placing my bottle down on the counter top as I did. I couldn't be bothered with looking through the peep hole, whoever was here at this late hour was here with a purpose. For a split second, a thought crossed my mind that it might be assasins at the door, that someone had finally found us and were here to mercilessly kill us all so Lissa would lose her throne... then I remembered asassins probably wouldn't bother knocking. Part of me- most likely a part all but completely ridden with spirit- thought that maybe at this point in my life that didn't sound like such a bad idea, but I shook it off. The one part of me that still seemed to still be alive despite all that had happened was telling me I needed to stay strong. I needed to try and fix myself. For Sydney. Thinking back- that was the only thought that had kept me going over the past few months.

So wasn't it ironic that it would be the little Alchemist herself who had knocked on my door.

"Sydney?" I questioned, not quite believeing my eyes in my drunken state, though I still couldn't help but take in her features- the eyes, the hair... she was so perfect. "What are you doing here?" I was sure I was slurring my words. I bet that sounded _really_ attractive... or not.

"Jill told me you were upset" she shrugged, a solemn look on her face,"she would have come here herself but I figured that if either me or her was to get in trouble for sneaking off campus it would be better if it were me. Besides, I'm the one with the car and... and I was worried about you..." She spoke the last part so quietly, it would be easy for me to assume I had simply imagined it, until she spoke up again. "I couldn't leave you alone Adrian, no one deserves to feel like this." I almost expected an added comment of 'not even an evil creature of the night like you' on the end, but it never came. Instead, she came into my apartment, closed the door behind her and looked around in the dark room, her eyes not yet adjusted.

I felt her jump at my touch out of both shock and fear as I lightly took her arm and guided her over to the sofa. I flopped down lazily, waiting for a reaction. After a moments hesitation, Sydney joined me, making sure to keep a considerable amount of distance between us. I didn't blame her for being wary of me, after all, she had been raised to believe that all vampires were evil incarnate, though I hoped that by now she might think a little better of me. She seemed to, I just hoped it wasn't all an act like Rose's feelings had been...

We sat for a while in silence, the only sounds being the ticking clock and the occasional noises from the street below. I was the first to speak.

"There's a darkness inside me Sydney" I said in a low, almost monotone voice. If I hadn't frightened her before, I probably had now. I wasn't sure if it was the spirit, the drink or just myself talking next... maybe a bit of all of them. "Sometimes... sometimes I can't control it. It takes over. It gets me in it's clutches and drags me down... so far down. Spirit doesn't help, but it's not the cause. _She_ is. Rose. I wish I could just erase her from my mind, but thinking about her... it's like a drug. I can't help it, I'm addicted to tormenting myself with her last words to me, with every way she did me wrong. I get so angry and depressed I could just..." I cut myself off there, I had to, I could feel my temper rising. The last thing I wanted to do was scare off my company, the person who was willing to risk a month of detention for sneaking out of school just to come and comfort me. The thought warmed my frozen heart ever so slightly. At least it was a step in the right direction, as small as the step may be.

"I wish I knew what to say" came a pained whisper from beside me, "but I don't. All I know is I hate seeing people suffer, especially those I care about." For a moment there, my heart seemed to skip a beat... had Sydney Sage- the pure souled angel- just admitted to caring for an 'unholy' vampire?

"Do you... do you mean that?" I asked, my own voice a whisper too. I felt tears burning the corners of my eyes, I just hoped that they wouldn't fall. For some reason, I didn't want the girl before me to see me so vunerable... in a sense, I wanted her to think I was strong, that one day it would be me protecting her not vice versa as it always seemed to be. "Do you really care about me?"

"Yes" she answered, meekly but without hesitation. "I shouldn't, and I know I'd have severe consequences to pay if anyone ever found out... but I do. I can't help it. You've grown on me I guess."

After the day I had had, Sydney had no idea how much I'd needed that. I needed someone to care about me and I had that right here. In that moment, where I was so happy, I completely forgot her morals and fears surrounding my kind, and I couldn't help leaning over and wrapping her up tightly in my arms. She tensed up, clearly uncomfortable, but no part of me wanted to let go. To my surprise, it wasn't long before she shuffled in closer to me so that I no longer had to lean. She allowed me to bundle her up even tighter, burying my head in her mass of golden hair. She linked her arms around my torso and held me back. I couldn't have felt more loved in that moment- a girl who had made it perfectly clear that she hated my kind was sitting here holding onto me with all her strength. I needed her, I really did. I knew that getting over what Rose did wasn't going to be easy and I still had a long way to go, but as long as I had Sydney by my side, supporting me and believing in me... I knew I stood a chance. And a good chance at that.

"Sydney" I mumbled, finally allowing the tears I had been holding back to fall freely.

"Yeah?" she replied, her voice far calmer than one would expect from an Alchemist being held by a vampire.

"Thank you" I said, "not just for today, for everything you've done. For inspiring me, for encouraging me to do better... it means a lot."

"You're welcome" she assured me, raising her head to look up at me. Green eyes met gold eyes in what felt like perfect harmony, as if the whole world had stopped, time itself had come to a pause just for that one moment to exist so perfectly. "You deserve it you know. You deserve someone to make you feel loved."

I wasn't sure if she was implying that she loved me or not... but at that moment, I didn't really want to know. I didn't want my hopes to be crushed. She cared- that's all that really mattered. That was what would drive me forward through the pain... it would help me finally run far away from my past, and move on to my future... which with any luck would contain a lot of a certain little Alchemist

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><p>TADA! okay, not my best but that was fun =D okay its gone 1am... CrazyRandomGirl needs some sleep... some reviews and feedback would be nice to wake up to m'dears ;) love you all muchly =D<p>

xxx


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